Being Strong

A little while ago I was talking to friend who underwent an extremely difficult trial last year. She said her mom would often say to her something along the lines of: “You can get through this, you’re a strong person.” She said she got tired of hearing that she was strong because she didn’t feel strong. It made me think. What does it mean to be strong. When are you truly strong? Do you ever know if you are strong?

I looked into the scriptures a little bit. Interestingly, but not surprisingly, strength as described in the scriptures is probably the opposite of what the world would say. I think the world would classify being strong as being able to handle something yourself. That might be an oversimplification, but I think there is truth to it. If you’re strong you get through things without having to ask for help, without complaining and without showing any weakness to those around you. In the scriptures I discovered that we are strong precisely when we acknowledge our weakness, when we turn to the one person who is truly strong, the Savior. We become strong in Him. We become strong when we are humble, when we admit that we can’t do it on our own. In fact, when we accept that we not only can’t but shouldn’t go the road alone is when we truly start to become strong.

Ether 12:27 speaks of weak things becoming strong.

“And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”

Moroni writes here about how weaknesses make us humble and then by turning to Christ in faith we become strong. It is interesting to me that the Lord says that we are purposefully given weaknesses in effect to finally become strong jointly with Christ.

As it states in Philippians 4:13: “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”

Another scripture that has always caught my attention is Helaman 3:35.

“Nevertheless they did fast and pray oft, and did wax stronger and stronger in their humility, and firmer and firmer in the faith of Christ, unto the filling their souls with joy and consolation, yea, even to the purifying and the sanctification of their hearts, which sanctification cometh because of their yielding their hearts unto God.”

It always struck me how someone could wax stronger in humility. But I think it goes along with the scriptures I have already quoted. If you are turning to Christ in faith and humility since he is by your side you become a stronger person. You are strong because you realize your dependence on him and his ability to help you.

Doctrine and Covenants 1:28 is yet another example of this: “And inasmuch as they were humble they might be made strong, and blessed from on high, and receive knowledge from time to time.”

I think it is our tendency as mature individuals to want to do things on our own. It is very evident that it is part of human nature as I watch my two year old who is trying to do anything himself that he is capable of and even some things he isn’t. I think there is a natural inclination as adults not to want to rely on others, not to be a burden, a bother. It’s not just for appearances, I think we really want to be strong, be independent, to feel a sense of personal accomplishment. We want to feel: I managed on my own. But the irony is that we can’t truly become strong until we are relying on the Lord. For me personally it plays out this way. I go along my merry way, trying to accomplish all the things I have set out for myself. It is usually more than I can possibly do. Plus life throws a few things into the mix. Church callings, family members with trials, sickness, parenthood, the desire to be a perfect friend, daughter, mother, wife... Suddenly I feel very weak. I feel inadequate to handle what life is throwing at me. It is during these moments that I have several choices. I can get depressed and very discouraged about my inabilities to manage life, or I can turn to Christ, give Him my burdens, humble myself, ask for help and let him comfort me and lift me back to a place where I can cope. It doesn’t change the events that are going on, but somehow by humbling myself and asking for help I become stronger. I have experienced both sides, the depression and the turning to the Lord and a combination of the two. Sometimes I remember where to turn on my own. Most often a loving husband or friend gently reminds me where to go for help.

This quote from a woman I love comes from a slightly different context, but is still applicable here: “The distance between the regret of wishing I hadn't done or said a thing, and the time I turn my heart toward the Lord is getting shorter.”
I hope that as my life progresses the distance between the time I try to do things on my own strength and the time I turn my heart toward the Lord and let him help me carry my burdens will get shorter. I hope I will “always remember Him” (Moroni 4:3) and remember to rely on him. I do want to make it clear here that I’m not talking about taking away individuality, or removing one’s ability to make decisions and choices and have personal creative space. But I am talking about turning to the Lord in humility and faith through weaknesses and trials.

And so to my dear friend who didn’t feel strong. I believe very deeply that you are strong. You went through one of life’s most difficult trials. And from everything I know about you, you have turned to the Lord throughout it all. Not only that, but you have chosen to teach your children to turn to the Lord.
And He will make you and your family strong.

“...And because thou hast seen thy weakness thou shalt be made strong, even unto the sitting down in the place which I have prepared in the mansions of my Father.”
Ether 12: 37

Mothering with Spiritual Power

I bought a book titled: "Mothering With Spiritual Power" by Debra Woods. I haven't finished it but enjoyed what I have read so far. What the author did was basically take a few scriptures and show how they fit into her life as a mother, and how they helped her be a better mother. I really liked the idea but thought to myself: "I could do this, too." I decided to find my own scriptures and my own life applications. I started reading the Book of Mormon from the beginning again, thinking now of my role as a parent. It has been amazing how many insights I have gained just through the first few chapters. You could do the same thing with the Bible, too, if that is what you are reading right now.

I don't have time to write up all my findings right now, plus it is more valuable to everyone to have their own experience doing this anyway. But I did want to mention a couple of thoughts. I love the opening verse of the Book of Mormon:

"I, Nephi, having been born of goodly parents, therefore I was taught somewhat in all the learning of my father; and having seen many afflictions in the course of my days, nevertheless, having been highly favored of the Lord in all my days; yea, having had a great knowledge of the goodness and the mysteries of God, therefore I make a record of my proceedings in my days."

Until now I had always read this first as if I were Nephi, the one with goodly parents. But this time I was reading it with my role as mother in mind. Suddenly it struck me that it is my turn to be the "goodly parent" now. If that is how the Book of Mormon begins, what better way than to look to it for guidance on how to be a parent.

And how? "I was taught somewhat in all the learning of my father."

My job is to TEACH my children. I love that that is one of my main jobs. I teach them about life, the world, God, how to take care of themselves and others, how to serve, how to be a friend, how to feel the Savior's love. I TEACH them these things and more.

I also love that Nephi says how he had seen "many afflictions in the course of [his] days, nevertheless, having been highly favored of the Lord in ALL [his] days."

Nephi knew that he was favored of the Lord even despite his afflictions. Maybe even because his afflictions. Afflictions are not a sign that we are not loved. Afflictions are part of life. Part of learning, growing, becoming.

I love the strength that I receive through my relationship with God. I value and appreciate the spirituality of my friends, even those of other friends. I appreciate that a friend sent me an email the other day about motherhood and spirituality, even though we belong to different faiths. We can all find strength in each other and help each other along our path.

I am excited to continue to find more insights about parenting as I read the scriptures this year. If you have any you have discovered that you want to share with me, I'd love to hear about it.

Your influence on me

I love learning. I love learning from other people. I love how the tiniest comment, written or spoken by someone else can sometimes have a profound influence on my life. And I think that 99% of the time you, yes you, will never know it. That's the way I am. I think of my Aunt Melanie often when I pull out the set of bowls she gave me for my wedding. My friends and family hover in and out of my thoughts, inspiring me and giving me courage and ideas.

I've often wanted to write about you and the things you have done that have influenced my life for good. But there are so many of you, it will have to come in bits and pieces.

I've been thinking often about a post one of my friends wrote in the beginning this year. This is what she wrote:
"I only have two resolutions this year. They are important ones, but I avoided my typical list because I want to focus on these and they are making all the difference thus far."
She didn't state what they were. If I had to take a guess, or maybe say what those two would be in my own life it would be prayer and scripture study. The reason I say that is when prayer and scripture study are in place it puts everything else in place, too. I've been struggling a little with how to implement them lately between a new home and being a tired mom. But my friend's words have echoed in my head over and over and have inspired me to try harder. I've also thought about my friend QS whose goal this year is to be more consistent in her reading of the Book of Mormon and once again it inspired me to find a way to make it work in my life.

Yesterday I came up with something that really excited me. A new topic of study. A new approach to the Book of Mormon. Looking at it from the viewpoint of being a parent. And not just some chapters, but the whole thing. I had an amazing scripture study time and look forward to the discoveries I'm going to make. I'm excited to write about them, too and will share more later.

Thanks C and QS for inspiring me!

Children

3 Nephi 14:24-27
I have a note under these scriptures that says "replace house with 'child' " from some talk I heard sometime, somewhere... But it's oh so relevant.

"Therefore, whoso heareth these sayings of mine and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, who built his [child] upon a rock-
And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that [child]; and it fell not, for it was founded upon a rock.
And every one that heareth these sayings of mine and doeth them not shall be likened unto a foolish man, who built his [child] upon the sand-
And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that [child]; and it fell, and great was the fall of it."

The rock of course is the Savior, but you could extend the metaphor to include other important things your child should be built upon. And our sweet children do get blown around by the winds of the world and beat upon by the storms and we might worry about them. But they can be safe if we build them upon the "rock."

I also love how it speaks about how Jesus takes the little children "one by one" and blesses them and prays for them. It shows how he feels about us as individuals and also gives us an example to spend time with our children one on one and to make sure they know we love them and pray for them.