You are the wind beneath my wings

Just wanted to say thank you to so many dear friends and family members who have expressed their concern for us and are praying for us. I don't think in my life I've ever mentally relied on the fact that people are praying for us like I have been now. We're doing well. When I think about the many tragedies and disasters in the world I know our trial is so small in comparison, and I am reminded of all of my blessings. I know things will work out. But I can't deny that there is definitely an added measure of stress in my life right now, especially with the birth of our baby being right around the corner and wondering how things will work out with the job situation. So, I have to conscientiously breathe, and let it all go. Everyone I have talked to that went through this themselves said it always worked out better in the end. I believe that, too. It's just a matter of what/when/where and how. And staying calm and positive for all those who are relying on me: my husband, my kids, my baby.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, dear friends for being there for us. Warren has commented several times how touching it has been to receive so many kind words and leads from our friends. We feel truly blessed to know you.

My friend Michelle

Me and Michelle

Today I got a phone call from my dear friend, Michelle. I've had the blessing of being surrounded by wonderful friends during my years in LA. Michelle was one of those very special people in my life. I've been meaning to write this post for a couple of months but didn't get around to it.

Michelle moved into our ward two years ago. We both have little girls the same age, so a friendship developed naturally. It was more than just having our little girls in common though that made us friends. Over the next two years Michelle became a dear, dear friend. The kind of person everyone needs in their life. We always knew due to her husband's work situation that we would only live in the same area for two years, so when we finally had to say a more permanent goodbye at the end of June, it wasn't unexpected.

Michelle and I did "Princess School" with our daughters. We got them together twice a week for months, once at our house, once at theirs and went through the alphabet bit by bit, doing a craft or activity with each letter. It was easy and fun. I have never seen two 4 year olds play together so often without EVER fighting. (Her daughter is amazingly nice!)
I don't have any grand or amazing stories to tell. Just that Michelle has the kind of personality that I strive for. She is such a happy person, it always rubbed off on me and made me happier after having seen her. She is able to look for the best in any situation. She is a hard worker and extremely dedicated wife and mother.
I was so grateful that our paths crossed for a couple of years and we could share a chapter of life together. I wish her and her family the best in their new adventure and hope we will stay in touch.

WE LOVE YOU GUYS! WE WILL MISS YOU!!!

Rebecca and Morgen

Your influence on me

I love learning. I love learning from other people. I love how the tiniest comment, written or spoken by someone else can sometimes have a profound influence on my life. And I think that 99% of the time you, yes you, will never know it. That's the way I am. I think of my Aunt Melanie often when I pull out the set of bowls she gave me for my wedding. My friends and family hover in and out of my thoughts, inspiring me and giving me courage and ideas.

I've often wanted to write about you and the things you have done that have influenced my life for good. But there are so many of you, it will have to come in bits and pieces.

I've been thinking often about a post one of my friends wrote in the beginning this year. This is what she wrote:
"I only have two resolutions this year. They are important ones, but I avoided my typical list because I want to focus on these and they are making all the difference thus far."
She didn't state what they were. If I had to take a guess, or maybe say what those two would be in my own life it would be prayer and scripture study. The reason I say that is when prayer and scripture study are in place it puts everything else in place, too. I've been struggling a little with how to implement them lately between a new home and being a tired mom. But my friend's words have echoed in my head over and over and have inspired me to try harder. I've also thought about my friend QS whose goal this year is to be more consistent in her reading of the Book of Mormon and once again it inspired me to find a way to make it work in my life.

Yesterday I came up with something that really excited me. A new topic of study. A new approach to the Book of Mormon. Looking at it from the viewpoint of being a parent. And not just some chapters, but the whole thing. I had an amazing scripture study time and look forward to the discoveries I'm going to make. I'm excited to write about them, too and will share more later.

Thanks C and QS for inspiring me!

Compliments-who needs them?

My friend Becca is an amazing woman. Talented, thoughtful, creative, artistic, intelligent, a profound thinker, interesting and inspiring. I was reading her post about new year's resolutions and one of the ones that stood out to me was about wanting to "act on generous impulses more." See what I mean? Even just writing it with those words is inspiring to me. I've been thinking about this and would like to adopt giving sincere compliments as a way of life. This past weekend I was up in Utah at a family funeral and surrounded by family and complete strangers. I received a number of compliments about a variety of things. Some completely surprised me and all of them lifted my spirits. I've often wanted to give strangers compliments but wonder what they will think. But then I realized-when I receive compliments from a stranger I have appreciated them.
Thanks, Becca, for the reminder and also for posting this video. It was a lot of fun to watch.

Angel Lucy

Just a week ago a friend of Warren's and mine found us on facebook. Warren went to law school with Vic and he also joined us on the semester abroad program to London that we participated in. The last time we saw Vic was at his engagement/farewell party before he moved to Utah. Vic is an great guy, kind, friendly, generous, thoughtful and caring. We only met his wife Molly at their party, but she has to be a wonderful person, too, since Vic chose her as his eternal companion.

The reunion via email with Vic was bittersweet. He shared with us the tragedy that occured in their life. Less than a year ago their almost 2 year old daughter, Lucy, choked on a piece of apple the size of the pea and subsequently passed away a few days later. With permission I share their story and a link to their blog.

The day I read Vic's email I cried. When Warren came home we read various parts of their blog and cried together. We watched the video tribute for Lucy while listening to her mommy sing lullabies to her. We held each other and spoke with gratitude of our own sweet children.

I want to shout out to the world about the Plan of Salvation. This life is just a chapter. Life goes on. We will be together as families for ever. Vic and Molly know this. My dear friends Charity and Brian, Rozanne, David and Lindy know this. I'm sure many more of you know this. It doesn't take away the hurt though. It doesn't even take away the whys and the trying to make sense of it all. But it does give us hope and brings us a step closer to heaven.

Life is precious. I'm not always the mother I want to be, but I'm working hard at it. I try even harder when I'm reminded at the grief some of my friends have had to deal with. It doesn't make me a perfect parent, but learning from their experiences has given me that extra measure of strength to be more patient, kinder and enjoy the moments more.

I hope that as you read Vic and Molly's story you will learn from their testimonies, share in their grief and resolve once more to appreciate life and each glorious moment we have here on earth together a little more.

Apartment living in LA: a chapter closes

Now that we're in our first house, we hope we will be in a house for a very long time, if not the rest of our lives. I've been reflecting on the past 6 years and how a chapter has closed and a new one has begun. There were times it was hard to be in an apartment with two kids. Especially when they were little and you had all the baby gear out (swing, bouncer etc.) It was hard to share the laundry when you finally got your kid napping and you take your laundry downstairs because you have 4 loads to do and the one washer has a load in it, the dryer has a load it in and someone else's load is waiting to be washed. That is something I won't miss.
But there are precious memories, too. The fact that we were in a smaller space meant that we were always close together. It is a sweet feeling to have your family close around you. I could hear anything going on anywhere in the apartment, so it wasn't as easy for my kids to get into trouble without me noticing what they were up to! When you live in an apartment you need to get out, so you do! We got out a lot. We saw things all over LA and enjoyed all our park and beach days. Because all my friends were in the same situation, we all hung out several times a week. As a result I had a tight knit group of wonderful ladies I could rely on and who enriched my life in many ways. I learned things from each of them I will never forget.
During the whole house buying process for awhile it didn't look like things were going to work out. It was disappointing and so to have a good attitude I tried to focus on the things about LA that I liked. Some of them are things I wrote about above: my friends, the parks all over the place, being 10 minutes from the beach, all the museums and things to do. I also loved the diversity, the opportunity to buy anything you want if you're willing to parallel park and fun places to eat (even though I didn't eat out that often). I also LOVED the Santa Monica main library and ESPECIALLY the used book store. [Today I went there one last time and scored with a whole set of Sandra Boynton board books that were in practically brand new condition. Those and a couple other books cost me a total of $4! And I didn't even have enough cash on me so the head guy said, just come back and pay next time. I love being trusted like that. I'll mail them a check. It made up for the library claiming I still have one of their books...]
Above all I love all the friends I made during the last 6 years. These have been the years where we went from being newly weds and still in school to having a family, a job, the same ward for more than a year. The friends we made there met us as a couple and accepted us as grown ups. Some of these friends were in the same chapter of life as we were and some already had grandchildren of their own. Some of them left LA before we did. But everyone meant something to us. I know as the years pass you lose contact with some people, but the sweet memories of that precious chapter in our life will remain.

Losing those we love

I've been wanting to write this post for a few weeks now and finally have the book to quote what I wanted to quote. But it fits the thoughts and feelings of my heart today, as I just learned this morning that a sweet friend of mine lost her sister to an illness this weekend.
The quote is from one of my favorite childhood books, "Emily of New Moon," by L.M. Montgomery. Eleven year-old Emily's father is sick and about to pass away. He knows that his time is almost up and he teaches her a little about death.

_______________________

"We'll stay together to the very end, then, little Emily. child. We won't be parted for a minute. And I want you to be brave. You mustn't be afraid of anything, Emily. Death isn't terrible. The universe is full of love-and spring comes everywhere-and in death you open and shut a door. There are beautiful things on the other side of the door. I'll find your mother there-I've doubted many things, but I've never doubted that. Sometimes I've been afraid that she would get so far ahead of me in the ways of eternity that I'd never catch up. But I feel now that she's waiting for me. And we'll wait for you-we won't hurry-we'll loiter and linger till you catch up with us."
"I wish you-could take me right through the door with you," whispered Emily.
"After a little while you won't wish that. You have yet to learn how kind time is. And life has something for you-I feel it. Go forward to meet it fearlessly, dear. I know you don't feel like that just now-but you will remember my words by and by."
"I feel just now," said Emily, who couldn't bear to hide anything from Father, "that I don't like God any more."
Douglas Starr laughed-the laugh Emily liked best. It was such a dear laugh-she caught her breath over the dearness of it. She felt his arms tightening round her.
"Yes, you do, honey. You can't help liking God. He is Love itself, you know. You mustn't mix Him up with Ellen Greene's God, of course."
Emily didn't know exactly what Father meant. But all at once she found that she wasn't afraid any longer-and the bitterness had gone out of her sorrow, and the unbearable pain out of her heart. She felt as if love was all about her and around her, breathed out from some great, invisible, hovering Tenderness. One couldn't be afraid or bitter where love was-and love was everywhere. Father was going through the door-no, he was going to lift a curtain-she liked that thought better, because a curtain wasn't as hard and fast as a door-and he would slip into that world of which the flash had given her glimpses. He would be there in its beauty-never very far away from her. She could bear anything if she could only feel that Father wasn't very far away from her-just beyond that wavering curtain.

_______________________

I have always loved that depiction of passing from this world to the next. A curtain is such a beautiful metaphor, it is soft and gives you the feeling that you are not so far away from those you love who have passed on. The following poem is another beautiful view on death. While we mourn the passing on of those we love, there are those who rejoice to be reunited with them.


Parable of immortality ( A ship leaves . . . )
by Henry Van Dyke - 1852 - 1933

I am standing by the seashore.
A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze
and starts for the blue ocean.
She is an object of beauty and strength,
and I stand and watch until at last she hangs like a peck of white cloud
just where the sun and sky come down to mingle with each other.
Then someone at my side says :
- 'There she goes!

Gone where?
Gone from my sight - that is all.

She is just as large in mast and hull and spar
as she was when she left my side
and just as able to bear her load of living freight
to the places of destination.
Her diminished size is in me, not in her.

And just at the moment when someone at my side says:
- 'There she goes! ',
there are other eyes watching her coming,
and other voices ready to take up the glad shout :
- 'Here she comes!'

_______________________

I have been thinking about life and death a lot this year. No one in my immediate family has passed away this year, but I have had friends lose children and family members. I have been blessed to learn through the faith and strength of those who have had this trial to bear. I love them and pray for them and admire their ability to mourn and then find the courage to move on. I feel blessed to know the plan of salvation, to know that this life is not the end. May we mourn with those who mourn. Even the Savior mourned the loss of loved ones and He understood the plan of salvation better than we do.

Ten years ago my grandfather, Immo Luschin, passed away. I was very close to him and had the blessing of knowing him my whole childhood and into my college years. He was one of my most important gospel mentors. He was a scriptorian and would teach me things about the gospel that have always stayed with me. He would have me hold the scriptures and would tell me where to turn and read it to him and then we would discuss things.
Grossvati (German for Grandpa) joined our church as an adult, a husband with a family of four children. The missionaries from our church knocked on my grandparent's door in Graz, Austria in 1960. Our church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, answered his questions about life after death and the ability to be with his wife for ever, a deep desire he hoped for but had not found in his own faith. He joined our church and went on to become a temple president in Switzerland and a professional translator for the church, translating the Book of Mormon and other scriptures, many famous doctrinal works by general authorities and even participated in live translation when Apostles and Prophets would come to speak to the Saints in Europe.
My grandfather lived in difficult times. He lived through World War II and had several miraculous experiences where his life was preserved. We know he was spared from death during those years so that he could join the church later, serve in many capacities and be part of our spiritual and physical heritage.
My husband and I were dating when he passed away. I had often hoped he would be the one to seal me when I got married, but he died a year too soon. I was also sad that Warren and Grossvati wouldn't meet in this life, although I've talked so much about him that Warren feels like he knows him. I know he has just gone through the veil and is waiting for us.

I know we will be with those we love again someday.