Gratitude: A positive attitude

This afternoon Rebecca accidentally knocked over a ceramic bowl while she herself was falling off the unstable kitchen stool. The bowl shattered and pieces went everywhere. But Rebecca's sincere comment after the accident was: "At least I didn't die!"

Tonight we went to the interfaith Thanksgiving concert. We went, but...well...we missed the concert. We walked in as they were saying the closing prayer. We were standing at the back and as people were exiting we were receiving full credit for seemingly having been there. One elderly lady came up to us, and commenting on Theo in Warren's arms said: "What a good boy, to have sat through that whole thing!" Warren just smiled and responded to her: "He's amazing!" Well, we might not have sat through the concert, but we did sit through 3 hours of church today, so Theo does get some credit for being amazing!

Gratitude: T

I'm grateful for this little guy. In some ways it's been a tough year. In other ways I haven't noticed it much of the time because little Theo brings me so much joy. I've been much too busy enjoying every smile, every dimple, every cuddle, every little thing he has learned how to do. He is an incredibly happy baby. His cheeks are simply kissable. He claps at things that make him happy. He laughs at and adores his siblings. He is bonded to his family. I'm so grateful to be a mother and am grateful that Theo joined our family this year.

Gratitude-deep stuff and sweet hugs

Remember how I mentioned that I was memorizing something? Well, I finished it and recited it to the Young Women at Church, since it was for a YW goal on Faith so now I can tell you.

I memorized "The Living Christ."

I began working on it in August I think.

It was hard. Really hard. But one of the most worthwhile things I have ever done. That was truly an inspired project.

When you memorize something you have to pay close attention to every word. You have to think about every line so that you'll make sense of it in your head and be able to remember the order of the sentences. Every time I worked on this piece it touched my heart, or taught me something or just made me feel like I knew Christ just a little bit better.

I had read it before, but never internalized it like I did through the process of memorization. It was amazing. I highly recommend it.

I don't feel like elaborating too much right here, right now, but I want to say I am grateful for my Savior. I know he is real. I know he cares. I'm grateful I could memorize the testimony of the Apostles and Prophets about Him.

*******************

I was having a hard morning today. My back was in terrible pain. I could hardly lift my baby. Other things were getting me down, too. I sat down at the kitchen table to have a snack and the tears just started coming. I covered my eyes with my hands, but my 3 year old saw me and asked: "Why are you crying, mommy?"

"Because my back hurts." I answered, wanting to stick with the one thing he would understand.

And then, the sweetest gesture of all, he walked all the way across the room to me and gave me a hug without saying another word. Just like that.

And I was grateful as I hugged him back.



(picture from a year ago)

Gratitude-true friendship and sacrifice

Last night I had a meltdown. It happened because of those straws that broke the camels back. They came in the form of ants and some other bug, (type still unknown) and a few nights in a row where I was getting up every 1-2 hours with a baby. The real weight on the camels back of course are the other things in my life. But somehow those last straws did it. I couldn't sleep.
It was too late to call a friend, but I sent her an email anyway, just to have someone to vent to.

This morning I woke up to an email from her: "I'm fasting for you today."

She wrote a few more things, but those words alone brought tears to my heart. To know someone cared enough to fast for me. For ME!
I'm a nursing mother so fasting isn't on my radar these days. Every time I ate something today I thought to myself, "my friend is fasting for me right now!" It strengthened my faith and made me more hopeful because someone was exercising their own faith in my behalf.

Thank you, dear friend. It was a special experience going throughout the day knowing you were sacrificing for me.

Oh, and I didn't see a single ant today! :)

Gratitude-the right to vote

I'm grateful for the right to vote based on my own understanding and opinions. I know this is a freedom not enjoyed the world over, so it's one I am grateful for today. People have suffered to make this right possible for us. I'm amazed at how small the voter turn out is. I know I could do a better job to be even better informed, but I did the best I could with the time I had to read up on people and propositions. May we not take this blessing for granted.

Gratitude-School and homework

Tonight is simple. I'm grateful my daughter has a school to go to that she enjoys. It isn't fancy shmancy, but her teachers have been very good and she is thriving. I'm grateful that (unlike last year) she now does her homework on her own, without any prodding on my part. I'm grateful for all the education I've received (in three countries and two states mind you!). I'm grateful that I can read and write and that I've always loved school. The End.

Gratitude-Sunshine and the Spirit

A couple of years ago when I was having a rough November I spent every day writing about something I was grateful for. I think this November is another good month to carry on that tradition.

I'm grateful for the sunshine here in So Cal. I hope I never take it for granted. I try not to. It warms my soul and makes me happy. We had a beautiful day today.

I'm also grateful for the Holy Ghost who warms my soul and makes me happy. As we have gone through our family trial this year we have tried to be better people, to do the things we know bring us joy and bring us closer to God. As I have been more consistent with my scripture study I find the Spirit comes more easily as I read. As I have been memorizing something for my Young Women Value Project (I will reveal what it is in the near future) I have felt the Spirit frequently and feel grateful for His presence in my life. He testifies of the reality of the Savior and I am grateful for that.

To every thing there is a season

A blogging friend of mine wrote a good post about seasons of life the other day. Sometimes the season of life we are in is very distinct, like living in part of the country where you have a clear spring, summer, fall and winter. Sometimes seasons of life are a little more blurred, like living in California, where you have seasons, but it can be a little harder to notice the change in seasons.

Right now I'm in the very distinct newborn mommy-hood season among other things.
My season is a season of changing diapers, nursing, fighting headaches and exhaustion, doing loads of laundry and just trying to keep the kids fed and happy. It is a season of faith as we continue to wait with patience for the right job for Warren. It is a season of focusing on the very basic elements of life: food, sleep, clean clothes and some basic clean up (sometimes!). There isn't any room for crafts, going the extra mile, signing up to do things at school or church etc. etc. That will all come again. The only reason I'm even writing this is that it is therapeutic and I need a few minutes of peace and time to ponder, even though I should be sleeping...

I think that despite the challenge of a new baby, I also realize and cherish this season for all of the sweet moments, the cute faces, the coos and little smiles, the soft skin, the complete trust your newborn has in you and the closeness you feel to heaven.

Every season has it's challenges, but every season is beautiful, especially, as Jodi put it on her blog, if you are dressed appropriately for the weather. Right now I'm "dressed" in prayers, faith, caring friends who ask how I'm doing, people who bring a meal or a loaf of bread or a plate of brownies, supportive family members and lots of gratitude for the good things in my life.

I hope you're enjoying the beauty of the season you're in. It won't last forever. Be grateful for it now.

There's no one like you

This might be a strange post to make public, but I'm going to do so anyway. Before I ever became a "blogger" I didn't enjoy reading other people's blogs very much because it always made me feel inadequate as a mother. Everyone seemed to be doing more stuff with their kids, and activities I would never have thought of on my own. But after I started blogging myself I realized that I actually do a lot of wonderful things with my kids. It helped to have a record of what I've done.

But then I got to know the huge world of blogging that is out there and different famous bloggers. I had no idea about giveaways, contests, followers, sponsors, etc. I had no idea how extensive of a world blogging had become. As I blog-hopped and read things here and there, it could have been easy to once again become overwhelmed, or jealous. Jealous of people's writing ability, of their talents with crafts, fashion, design, etc. etc. And although I will often come across a style of writing and say, "oh, I like how they write" or I'll come across some really cool ideas that I would never have thought of, I've realized that I haven't been overwhelmed by it all. The other day it just struck me: even though I like things other people do and the things I can learn from them, I really like myself just the way I am! Don't get me wrong, there are qualities I'm working on improving and things I would like to be better at. But in connection to my last post about pace, I think as I get to know myself better I have been more accepting of myself and realizing that I really like myself. I'm comfortable with my goals, my family life, my hopes and dreams. I don't mean this in a prideful way. Of course there are things I want to do better. But I feel like I know the path that I am on and can see where it is leading me, and I like my path. This doesn't mean I won't have hard times again or times when I get down on myself. I think we all do. But for right now, I feel blessed to have found some peace.

There are so many blogs out there where women are self-deprecating. So in the Spirit of Christmas, which includes being kind, even to ourselves, I decided to post these thoughts in public in the hopes that maybe someone who reads this will focus on the good in themselves.

Gratitude and happiness

I know I might be sounding like a broken record, but I can't get this post out of my head so I need to write it down for the world to read and then go back to living it in my own life.
I've been thinking a lot about trials (as any of you following my blog will know) and about frustrations, big and small on a daily basis. I've also thought a lot about what a friend of mine once said, you can't be grateful and unhappy at the same time. There is a lot of truth in that.

Any time I have been getting frustrated about just about anything lately I have tried to find something to be grateful for. And it has really worked. I have been more positive, calmer on the inside and truly more happy about life. I'm not saying there aren't appropriate times of mourning and disappointment, hurt or anger, but overall I do think it is too easy to get into a rut of complaining, being frustrated and seeing the greener grass on the other side. The grass will always be greener on one side. But it will always be browner on the other side. And if you can remember that things could always be worse you can usually find something to be grateful for.

At first I had to force myself to find things to be grateful for when I was getting really upset. Over time it is becoming easier. I have had a beautiful, peaceful month and have found a lot to be grateful for. There is ALWAYS something to be grateful for.

Take my friend Devon for example. Her adorable little boy has a rare neuromuscular disease called Spinal Muscular Atrophy with Respiratory Distress (SMARD). With it come many frustrations, I am sure. Probably disappointments and hurt, too, as she watches him struggle with this physical disease. Yet, she is able to look for and find the beauty in her life as she wrote the other day about all the things she loves about her sweet son. It is such a touching entry I had to share. She is an inspiration.

Marjorie P. Hinckley writes:

'A grateful heart will give you a touch of refinement that can come in no other way.
I went to high school during the days of the famous Depression. It was a miserable experience. But, in a way, I wish you could have been there with us. Somehow it helped me to appreciate much more the prosperity we now enjoy. I know some of you think you are on a tight budget, and you are. I am glad if you are. But it is a tight budget because you have nothing else to compare with it. It isn't your fault that you have had three square meals a day, most every day of your life. It isn't your fault that you have never been hungry in your life. It isn't your fault that somehow or other you have always been able to get a new pair of shoes, whether you needed them or not. It isn't your fault that you have at least five or six changes of clothing in your crowded closets. But all of this makes it doubly hard for you to be truly grateful.

And when you finally develop a little gratitude in your heart, make up your mind to express it. "Appreciation unexpressed is not appreciation." If you can't find someone to say thank you to for something, just take a look at your toothbrush and say, "Thank you for being. You are a wonderful little gadget."

"Thank you" is a wonderful phrase. Use it. It will add stature to your soul. Never let a day go by without saying thank you to someone for something-and especially to your Heavenly Father.'

(from "Glimpses into the Life and Heart of Marjorie Pay Hinckley" pg. 90-91)

There are so many things I am grateful for right now but I'm not going to start a list tonight. My November posts from last year have a whole bunch of them. I wrote those to help me through a tough time. Right now I'm grateful that I've been getting better at being grateful. I hope it sticks with me!

Finding joy in the moment

Last week I felt strong. Warren was out of town for four days for his Grandmother's funeral in Provo. I was working hard on my gratitude, my love of life, my charity for my children (translation: extra amounts of patience) and just doing everything at home that needed to be done.
I kept the house running, I fed my kids, I even had a nice long playdate with feeding the gang dinner at the end since neither of our husbands were home. I accompanied a French Horn concerto at the High Priest Group dinner Saturday night. My kids were the only kids at this event and were running around the church building like crazy. That was about the worst thing that happened the whole time Warren was gone (which really isn't bad at all). I was in control and I felt good.
Then Warren came home and I tanked. Pathetic, I know, four days by myself and I'm exhausted.
I woke up this morning not feeling so strong anymore, feeling overwhelmed by the chores of daily life, all the things I want to do, etc etc. The usual. Housework is never ending.

But in stead of cleaning the kitchen I played with my son this morning. Literally played. Normally I cheat. I start the game with my kids and then with some stealth work on cleaning up something in their room or elsewhere if I can sneak out. But today I just sat there and played blocks. Stacked them, let him knock them over, praise him as he stacked them himself. It brought me joy.

The themes running through my head lately are simplification, focusing on what really matters, enjoying the moment, loving the time I have with my kids, gratitude, gratitude, gratitude.

Oh and btw, I'm really enjoying my "parenting approach" to the Book of Mormon. I'm excited to share some of my thoughts but I'll get there eventually.

Well, now that I've taken some time for myself, while the little guy is still sleeping, maybe I should go do some cleaning because although it's not the most important thing, it still needs to be done....
But the final words today from a woman much wiser than myself:

"We women have a lot to learn about simplifying our lives. We have to decide what is important and then move along at a pace that is comfortable for us. We have to develop the maturity to stop trying to prove something. We have to learn to be content with what we are."
- Marjorie Pay Hinckley

Looking at the cup half full this time

First of all thank you to all my friends who wrote such nice comments and didn't disown me and point out how pathetic I might have sounded in my last post.
Secondly, sometimes it helps to get through a rough spot by writing it out. I feel better now that I got it all out in writing.
Third, change has never been easy for me. That might be surprising to some considering I've had to deal with so much change my whole growing up, but it doesn't make it any easier. Having said that, it doesn't mean I don't want change or appreciate change, it's just not easy for me. I think sometimes people equate 'change not being easy' with 'wanting everything to stay the same all the time'. That's not true. I do appreciate change, it just takes me time to digest it.

Since I was in my glass half empty mode writing that last post I'll do a glass half full post just to balance things out.
There have been a few people who were especially kind to us during these last few months at church. Especially with the whole funeral we received much support for the service and at the family dinner beforehand. We also received a few meals brought to our home when we first moved in, and I have had people tell me how much they appreciate my musical skills-how much they are needed here. The Bishop and his wife have been total angels. They let us use their laundry before we had ours delivered and they have been kind beyond measure. One lady gave me a copy of a book of organ music composed by her mother.
You're probably reading all of this and thinking: "Dorothea-what is your problem!" I don't know, just change. I'm feeling better already. Like I said, it feels good to write.

I guess the integrating into a new ward thing will happen slowly, almost unnoticed.
I agree with Rozanne, my time to feel comfortable here will come slowly but surely...it always does. And Lenna, it most definitely is a culture shock even though it is 45 minutes away!!! You would think after the various cultures I have lived in or visited extensively-Germany to England, France, Switzerland... I wouldn't think LA/Santa Monica to La Mirada/Buena Park would be such a big change, but I'm a sensitive person and even subtleties are big differences to me.
I'm feeling more at home grocery shopping, driving around, with the school routine etc. But church is only once a week, so I haven't had as many opportunities to get totally comfortable with it yet. But it will come. Now that I think about it I remember some of you who have moved away from SM2 and had a hard time with your new wards. That makes me feel better.
SM2 certainly wasn't perfect-no ward is. But with time you come to love the people you serve and worship with week after week. One of the greatest things that has happened to me in this new ward is co-teaching the 12 year old Sunday School class with Warren. The kids are great (although quiet) but they will participate when called upon and give deep answers. It is a true joy to teach them each week and Warren and I feel like we are making a difference.

Anyway, enough journalistic ramblings for one night. Thanks for your understanding my friends. Life is good. I had a great day. I just have to add this one story. Last week I took my kids to the park. Of course when we go to the park we miss all of our little rascal friends from LA. But we looked for new friends and met a cute little girl named Lucy. She and Rebecca held hands all around the duck pond and played perfectly for a couple of hours. We said we'd meet them back at the park the next week. We got there today and couldn't find them at first. But then we found them and they (Lucy and her Grandma) were so excited we had actually come. They told us how they had told Lucy's parents about us and the dad had them write it in big letters on the calendar and circled it. And every day Lucy would ask if tomorrow was the day she would get to play with Rebecca again. So, we made someone's day today. And that makes my day!!!

Gratitude (day 30): music and my place in the world of music

I'm grateful for music and my ability to play the piano and the organ. The piano has always been a part of me since I was a little girl, but my organ abilities didn't really get going till college. I loved learning how to play the organ. It was probably the best thing I did at college (other than meeting my husband and other great friends of course). It brought me such joy then and still continues to do so, even though I don't play as much as I used to. During college practicing the organ was such a spiritual uplift for me because we were also required to practice hymns in addition to regular organ literature. Playing the hymns daily was my own personal devotional and brought peace and calm into my day.
Today in church I played the David Willcocks arrangement of "Oh Come All Ye Faithful." It is a beautiful arrangement, quite tricky in parts and very majestic. The congregations sings in unison on the last two verses while the organ plays different harmonies. When I play that arrangement with a congregation singing full force in the background it brings out the very depth of the words of that carol and makes me cry. "Oh come let us adore Him, Christ, the Lord." I had to blink away the tears and pull my emotions together otherwise I wasn't going to be able to see the music!!!
I could go on and on about music but I don't have the time right now. So I will just end my November gratitude postings with the sentiment that I love and am grateful for music and especially love Christmas music. So here we go into December....
Thanks for reading.

Gratitude (day 29): life itself

I'm grateful for my life. For all the things I've been able to do, the health, safety, freedom I've enjoyed. The way I was raised, the friends I've made, my talents, my family, the beautiful world I live in, the way in which I have grown. I like growing older. I know myself better and understand my place in the world in a more meaningful way.
There are so many tragedies that you can read about in the newspapers every single day. Yet I am secure in my knowledge of the purpose of this life and am grateful for my opportunity to be here.

Gratitude (day 28): parents

I'm grateful for my parents. For how the raised me, for the values they instilled in me, the things they taught me, the talents they fostered in me, the examples they were and are to me and the friends they have always been to me. I've always had a good relationship with my parents. We never had a bad time even during my teenage years. I love you, Mom and Dad! Thank you for being such wonderful parents.

Gratitude (day 27): Thanksgiving

I'm grateful for Thanksgiving. It is such a nice holiday. Thanksgiving in our little Williams family over the last few years has ranged from just the three of us (when Rebecca was a month old) to being with extended family and friends. The food is always delicious, the company fun to be with and the memories created are precious. I'm grateful for a day, which for many of us becomes an extended period of time, to make it a special focus to think about our many blessings and how we can bless the lives of others.
I'm also grateful to have learned about a lady named Sarah Buell Hale who after 38 years of writing to various presidents of the United States finally convinced President Lincoln to make Thanksgiving a national holiday. You can read about it in: "Thank you, Sarah: The Woman Who Saved Thanksgiving" by Laurie Halse Anderson.

Gratitude (day 26): the ability to adapt

I'm grateful for the ability to adapt to changing circumstances. On that note, my dishwasher is broken and won't even get looked at for almost 2 more weeks and as we were starting a movie tonight Warren sat down on the bed and the bed broke. So yes, adapting and laughing about life's changes is important and something I'm grateful for. So we took the bed apart and we're that much closer to being packed. Drum roll please! More on this later...

Gratitude (day 25): people of all nations

Today I'm grateful for my associations with people from other countries. Today we had a last minute playdate with Rebecca's friend Anna, from Korea. We met at a park class when our girls were only two. They formed a sweet friendship for a year until Anna moved back to Korea. They have visited us twice now when they came back to LA for a visit. Our girls communicate through smiles, laughter and hand signals. It was cute to watch Rebecca use sign language to try and tell Anna that she wanted to play tag. I also have a dear friend and her daughters that I met at the park here who are from Bulgaria. Of course there are my friends and family from Germany, Austria, England... I love knowing people from other countries. They enrich my lift and remind me of the big world that I love.

Gratitude (day 24): Family Night

I'm grateful for Family Night. I get the feeling based on comments I hear in church that it's challenging for a lot of people, but we've kept it very simple and so for the most part it is actually a joy. We welcome everybody, sing a song, say a prayer and do a short lesson, usually a scripture story with a moral. Often Rebecca wants to repeat the lesson back to us. We usually don't even plan it much earlier than the couple of minutes it is taking for everyone to get settled down. The person whose turn it is quickly grabs the blue file of church art work and picks a story. Maybe someone would think we're not fancy enough, but it works for us. It is a place where I get to feel the Spirit and teach my children what I believe in. And my children enjoy it, too.

Gratitude (day 23): a varitey of church related items

I'm grateful that my husband stayed home with the sick kids so that I could enjoy going to church today on my own. I'm grateful for callings (or assignments) that give me the opportunity to grow, learn new skills and serve others. I'm grateful today for people that prepared such a wonderful sacrament meeting, for good music and good speakers. The speakers were exceptionally good today. I will write more about it later. But for now I'm just basking in the good feelings I was able to feel today....