Help thou mine unbelief

It's almost coming up on the year mark when we found out that Warren's division at work was being let go. Those changes influenced many lives, attorneys and staff alike, including ours. I always thought we'd find something within a few months. Well, we did, but it wasn't what I expected. After three months off work (during which I had a baby and Warren helped me through the end of pregnancy and the first 6 weeks of newborn life) Warren went back to work part time as a contract attorney for his old firm. Since then he has been given full time hours, albeit still on contract for the next few months. So, we're still looking for a permanent position. I never dreamed it would last a year.

I'm extremely grateful we've had the work we've had, but not finding a regular employment situation has been emotionally draining. This experience has caused me to dig deeper into my faith. Last summer I thought a lot about faith and worked on it to the best of my ability. But here we are, still in the same boat (more or less), still trying to be positive and hopeful and faithful. There are days when it's harder than it used to be. Some of those days have hit recently.

I was really struggling yesterday, but was grateful when I opened the Ensign and found this article. Although the person writing it was going through a different trial, the principles of faith still apply.

And then I turned to the scriptures myself:

I reread and was grateful to be reminded of the story of Peter, who had the faith to walk on the water to come to Jesus. But even Peter got scared when he saw the wind and started to sink crying: "Lord, save me." I'm not the only one who has started to sink and had to say, "Lord, save me." I think we all go through that at some point in our lives.

I was touched by the father, who brought his son to be healed by Jesus and when told by Jesus: "If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth" cried out: "Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief." I love how those two statements are uttered in practically the same breath: I believe; help thou mine unbelief. That is how I feel. I have faith. I do believe. But there are moments when doubt wants to creep in. When I struggle. When I wonder. Help thou mine unbelief is my statement in those moments. But I have faith that if I call out to Him in my moments of struggle, He will help me through.

You are the wind beneath my wings

Just wanted to say thank you to so many dear friends and family members who have expressed their concern for us and are praying for us. I don't think in my life I've ever mentally relied on the fact that people are praying for us like I have been now. We're doing well. When I think about the many tragedies and disasters in the world I know our trial is so small in comparison, and I am reminded of all of my blessings. I know things will work out. But I can't deny that there is definitely an added measure of stress in my life right now, especially with the birth of our baby being right around the corner and wondering how things will work out with the job situation. So, I have to conscientiously breathe, and let it all go. Everyone I have talked to that went through this themselves said it always worked out better in the end. I believe that, too. It's just a matter of what/when/where and how. And staying calm and positive for all those who are relying on me: my husband, my kids, my baby.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, dear friends for being there for us. Warren has commented several times how touching it has been to receive so many kind words and leads from our friends. We feel truly blessed to know you.

From the Garden into the Twilight Zone

Sunday, Jan. 31, 2010

On Friday when I made my regular "how are you doing, what train are you taking home?" phone call to Warren he said, are you sitting down?

I said "yes" and he proceeded to tell me that he would no longer have a job at his current firm where he has worked for 6 1/2 years, ever since graduating from Law School. Without explaining details here, the bottom line of the matter is that the firm is taking away the types of cases that are handled by Warren and several other people and giving them to the New York office. So, several people are being let go in a move that isn't personal, but political. It came as a shock because Warren's firm has been extremely stable and has never fired people except for a couple of people who were consistently under-performing, which isn't the case for the group of people being let go this round.

I have to admit, it did hurt to hear that news and I did cry pretty hard after we got off the phone. That afternoon a million things went through my head. Some of them included, I'm having a baby in two months, how will this work out with health insurance etc? Will this end up meaning a move or staying here? How long can we make it financially without a job?

We talked to Rebecca about what was going on. She was very rational about it and asked a lot of good questions. I'm grateful that she isn't worried right now.

We spent the evening watching funny TV shows which was a really good way to escape reality for a few hours.

Yesterday we got to work networking and contacting our friends. It has been very touching to hear people's responses and the information they come up for us. I have felt peaceful. In fact, we are actually excited. We feel like this could mean something better for us. We have talked about a job switch for years, but things never worked out. Now that it is forced upon us we are going to be looking with real intent for a better situation for Warren and our family.

It has been an interesting week. The lesson in Sunday School today was about Adam and Eve and the Fall from the Garden of Eden. In preparation for today's lesson Warren and I had been discussing the Fall all week long. After the news of the job loss we felt like we were going through our own little "being kicked out of the garden." It had been a place we felt secure, but in order to progress we needed to be kicked out of the garden and experience something new.

It has felt a little surreal. Most of the time my brain is fine and says, things will work out just fine. Every so often the little nagging voices want to say: some people are out of work for months, even a year or more, how would you cope with that? In some strange way however, I'm grateful for the opportunity to empathize with so many many people who have experienced job loss. It is such a common theme. It makes you grateful for your blessings. It is also interesting how in one swoop you think about all the things you can do without for awhile.

Thank you, dear friends, from the emotional support you have already given us. I think that is part of the reason I feel so at peace. I know I'm not alone.

Dorothea's new calling

Today I received a new calling (it could last around five years.) I'm the new Bishop's wife!
This morning I told Rebecca: "We're getting a new bishop today!" She said, "will he still have a bishop's wife?" She also said: "I don't want a new bishop, I like our bishop, he's nice." Well, what she said about our last bishop is true. He is exceedingly nice. But she does like our new bishop and tonight in her little personal prayer she prayed that daddy would be a good bishop and be able to do a good job teaching people and making announcements and that mommy would be a good bishop's wife. I have already felt the support of people praying for us. Thank you.

I have been living off of adrenaline for the last two weeks, ever since we received the call from the Stake President. We feel grateful for the sustaining vote of our ward, since Warren hardly knows any of the people in the ward. We've only been here just under 6 months. But in that time he has had several callings: Sunday School teacher for the 12 year olds, High Priest Teacher, Young Men's President and now Bishop. So I guess he was being given the quick tour of the ward. It is still a little unreal, since it all just happened today, but I'm sure it will feel real soon enough. I'm grateful to have a husband who loves the Lord and is willing to serve. I will do my best to support him so that he can be there for the members of our ward.

I will let you know how the adjustment goes.
After I get some sleep!

The family in attendance

Bishop Williams and Bishop Thompson

Warren and President Marco (Stake President)

The new Bishopric