Help thou mine unbelief

It's almost coming up on the year mark when we found out that Warren's division at work was being let go. Those changes influenced many lives, attorneys and staff alike, including ours. I always thought we'd find something within a few months. Well, we did, but it wasn't what I expected. After three months off work (during which I had a baby and Warren helped me through the end of pregnancy and the first 6 weeks of newborn life) Warren went back to work part time as a contract attorney for his old firm. Since then he has been given full time hours, albeit still on contract for the next few months. So, we're still looking for a permanent position. I never dreamed it would last a year.

I'm extremely grateful we've had the work we've had, but not finding a regular employment situation has been emotionally draining. This experience has caused me to dig deeper into my faith. Last summer I thought a lot about faith and worked on it to the best of my ability. But here we are, still in the same boat (more or less), still trying to be positive and hopeful and faithful. There are days when it's harder than it used to be. Some of those days have hit recently.

I was really struggling yesterday, but was grateful when I opened the Ensign and found this article. Although the person writing it was going through a different trial, the principles of faith still apply.

And then I turned to the scriptures myself:

I reread and was grateful to be reminded of the story of Peter, who had the faith to walk on the water to come to Jesus. But even Peter got scared when he saw the wind and started to sink crying: "Lord, save me." I'm not the only one who has started to sink and had to say, "Lord, save me." I think we all go through that at some point in our lives.

I was touched by the father, who brought his son to be healed by Jesus and when told by Jesus: "If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth" cried out: "Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief." I love how those two statements are uttered in practically the same breath: I believe; help thou mine unbelief. That is how I feel. I have faith. I do believe. But there are moments when doubt wants to creep in. When I struggle. When I wonder. Help thou mine unbelief is my statement in those moments. But I have faith that if I call out to Him in my moments of struggle, He will help me through.